Adventures of the #creepyasianspy

The official manual to being totally Asian. Secret locations for awesome hang out spots around the world, gnarly ninja skills to keep you fit, and special ways to touch someone's body with(out) a happy ending. #massageguysandgirls
1 year ago
7 notes

Gnarly ninja skills - of course #creepyasianspies can backflip

Welcome Grasshoppers,

So you wish to do a back flip? Well first you must have patience. You must develop strength in your whole body. Here is the way we create strength all over.

What you need:
A barbell with a weight that you are comfortable with using throughout the whole workout.
OR
bag full of heavy things.

What to do:
(as always instructions in brackets are optional, but will enhance your asianess and spy-cool)
6x Deadlift
Squat in front of your barbell or weight. Grab bar or bag and stand up keeping your back straight.
(Snap bar in two and begin eating your noodles with your delightful new oversized chopsticks)

6x Power clean
Squat in front of the bar or bag. Keep your back straight, push your legs with lots of force and shrug your shoulders. Force your elbows forward and let the bar sit on top of your hands.
(throw bar into the air, wait for it to fall in front of you. Before it hits the ground, kick bar/bag into the wall in front of you. There will be a wall for dramatic effect. Don’t question this fact)

6x Overhead squat
Lift weight over your head. Squat down.
(do this whilst calculating pi to 27 decimal places to make your parents proud)

Good luck grass hoppers. Remember only true #creepyasianspies can accomplish the instructions in the brackets. Stay shaky.

1 year ago
3 notes
Touching people-essential massage gear. Can be used as a fomentation medium (heat therapy). So you can be up to 110% (because Asian parents expect nothing less) for your next Kung Fu battle. True creepyasianspies use it as a weapon and lip balm.

Touching people-essential massage gear. Can be used as a fomentation medium (heat therapy). So you can be up to 110% (because Asian parents expect nothing less) for your next Kung Fu battle. True creepyasianspies use it as a weapon and lip balm.

1 year ago
5 notes

Gnarly ninja skills - 01

To be a true creepyasianspy you need to be fit. Do this workout 3 times a week and it will help.

5 push ups

5 sit ups

5 jump squats

On the minute, every minute for 20 minutes.

It’s harder than it sounds, but it’s a start.

Good luck Grass Hopper. May the sauce be with you.